I remember wihen misery thrilled me much more

I like to think back with great fondness to the fall of 2003. I had been infected and was full of fantasy about being a money maker at poker. I played live first at the KC casinos. Still remember the first two hands I played. Sat down and posted my blind utg+1 in a 3/6 limit game. Smallest game they have. How stupid is that? Look down at Q5os. Raise and re-raise later I flat call. I flop a boat QQ5. I check and call down to the river as the other guy hits his A high flush. I never raise. Never bet out. He was shocked that I had that hand. Next hand is A4os. I call two raises in the BB again. Flop the wheel. Win again. I was hooked like the donkey fish that I was and that I still battle today.

Fast forward couple months and I get some money on Party Poker. I play 3/6 at the casino , why not virtually as well. Ran $100 up to $1200 in a day. Didn't realize that online game is so much bigger. Played like a donkey. I didn't know the absolute turd A6os was utg, suited or not. I loved aces. Played em all the time every one. Chased everything. Flushes, gutter balls, you name it. Couldn't lay down AK. Couldn't lay down any flopped top pair. And I lost that and much more in a week. I was an ATM.

That's okay though. I loved getting my cards and getting an ace. If I flopped a pair of aces, it was like having sex. It was Christmas morning, Halloween and my birthday all wrapped up in one. And I played them fearlessly. Bet and bet and call and call.

Now a starting hand with an ace scares me. Anything less that AK makes my stomach turn. AQ absolutely blows. AT suited makes me weep. Its like a puffer fish. Such a pretty hand. So damn deadly.

I guess my point is this; early on I was optimistic, now I just wait for the rng on Full Tilt to corn hole me. I gotta get the mojo back. I gotta believe my card is coming. Believe, while being patient, aggressive and courageous, that I will be rewarded for my play.

Just another leak to fix.

RCJH

MT