Tuesday, December 28, 2010

and the home of the CHIEFS!!!!

Who would have thunk it? AFC west champions. The fans here are just so happy to have meaningful football this time of the year. The Chiefs can lock up the third seed with a win against the Raiders. This game is still important. The Chiefs get a home game to be sure, but the Raiders game is important for the second round. If, and it is a big if, the Chiefs beat, probably the Jets, then they would get the second seed on the road. That would be either the Ravens or Steelers. I would rather go on the road against any of those teams instead of the Patriots.

I think the Chiefs are hard to beat at Arrowhead. But, the combination of a young team and first time in a long time playoff game could mean a quick exit for the Chiefs. Either way it is going to be fun.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Not sure what I am doing with poker. I have such a defeatist attitude toward the game right now. I played a home game last night. I almost double up with QJ on a queen high flop. The big blind had a worse queen. I then get AA on the button. Limped to me and I pop it to $5. The big blind is .50. Get only the big blind to call. Flop is QT9. Check and I bet the pot. He calls. King comes and I shut down. Checked down the river and he has QJ. I end the night losing with 77 to 66 or the rest of my stack. Flopped set. Slow rolled me. It was only $40 but this sessions loss hit me harder than usual. I feel adrift and drowning in the game. It would appear to the casual observer that I am smiling and dancing when in actuality I am flailing and sucking down water. I can barely see over the water line. I don't even have the energy or the care to get upset about the beats. I accept the AA and 77 loss as a matter of course. I I I. There is not I in poker.

I do not know. I had a good time in Vegas playing poker. I won a tourney at Treasure Island and then about a hundred on a 2/4 table at the Flamingo. Net up for the trip.

I am done with Full Tilt for a while. I have a couple of bucks on Cake. If I can not manage to run that up, I am probably done with online poker for the near future.

Enough I's for now.

Later Gator.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Suck IT Lederer

Full Tilt hates me.

A red phone rings. A hand reaches out from a deep sleep and answers "Hello?".
An gruff voice on the other line responds, "Mr. Lederer, he is on the grid, sir". "Have you called Ferguson and Gordon?", asks Howard Lederer. "I will call them next sir". "Very well, thank you Mr Matusow, back to work". "Yes sir" and Howard hangs up the phone.

Howard gets up from bed, grabs a robe to cover his naked body, and stumbles over to a grand fire place that has been imported from Italy. It is old and made of the finest marble. Hand crafted by gypsy artisans. It is worth more than most peoples cars, but money is not an object for Howard. He makes fireplaces in mere minutes in rake. It bores him.

He glance over his shoulder to make sure his wife is sleeping. Satisfied, he reaches up and and pivots a small painting that hangs on the wall above the mantle. The safe that is revealed has a keypad. He punches in the numbers, 4 8 15 16 23 42 and the safe opens with a small click. Inside reveals only a single red raised button. Howard checks his wife once more and pushes the button. The whole fire place from the floor to ceiling swings silently as it rotates Howard into a small room on the other side of his bedroom. He steps off the hearth as the fireplace continues silently to its original position.

A motion detection light flickers on to reveal a grand staircase the descends into the darkness. Howard ties his robe as he starts down the stairs Lights in front of him illuminate and the ones behind flicker off. He comes to the bottom of the stairs and is greeted by Mike Matusow. The Mouth is sitting behind a plain office desk. The desk is adorned with only a lap top and a Full Tilt coffee mug. "Hello sir" "Hello, Mike. What is he playing?" "He's in the $20K Rush rebuy sir". He is doing quite well". "Okay, are the others on the wall yet? Mike checks his laptop, "Coming on line now sir". "Very well" says Howard as strides to the door. He enters another code and the lock buzzes and the door slips ajar. Mike gets up and follows Howard to the door. Howard stops and with a scowl asks "What are you doing?" Mike stammers and says "I I I j j j ...just thought..." Howard cuts him off mid sentence. "Have you payed me back the two mill I loaned you to pay Forest? Have you?" Mikes eyes go to the floor as he answers a sullen "No". Howard's eyes bulge and his brow raises as he forcibly pushes Matusow back towards his desk. "Get your ass back to that seat and get me my money" Mike mutters "Yes sir" and skulks away.

The door swings in as Howard enters the room. He takes his annoyance at The Mouth out on the door as it slams hard against the frame. In front of him is an array of large televisions on the opposite wall. On one of the monitors is Chris Ferguson. On another is Phil Gordon. Lederer takes a seat at a large desk command station that has a commanding elevated view of the monitors. He looks much like a one man mission control. "Hello gentleman" as he sits down. Phil asks, "Where the hell have you been?" "Yeah" says Jesus. "It was fucking Matusow. He wanted to come in". "Did you tell him to get his ass back to work and get us our fucking money?" asks Gordon. "Yep" answers Howard. Jesus just chuckles.

Howard says "Give me a second" as a porn starts playing on the the biggest monitor. "That's better. Now lets begin."

"Where is he?". "He's table sixty one, seat eight 20K rebuy" answers Jesus. "How do you want to play it tonight?" Gordon asks the other two. "I say we end it quick, I am tired" answers Howard. "Naw, we are already up and I am kind of excited" pips in Jesus. "Me too" says Gordon "Let's make it last" as he unbuckles his pants. "Fine" says Howard..

"Okay, lets start off with a little hit just to warm up." smirks Lederer. As he presses a button on the panel, table 61 pops up on a large monitor right below the porn. All the players cards are revealed. "Ohh, I see Mike was right. MorningThunder has over thirty thousand. Easily in the top fifty." chuckles Jesus. "lets do something about that." murmurs Lederer as his robe falls open.

On the monitor with porn, a woman is exposing herself to the camera as an unseen man directs her every movement. The poker screen shows MorningThunder with pocket kings. Steve 1256 has QQ and a stack of about seven thousand. The flop comes king seven two. "Do it." Jesus spits as his pants slide down to his ankles. Howard hits a button and a queen falls on the turn. "Yeah" whispers Gordon. "One more". Lederer hits another button and the case queen hits the board. "Oh yeah" the threesome moans as their hands slide down their respective bellies and come to rest on their cocks.

"Now tease him". blurts Ferguson. "Make him think all is well with a huge draw". Lederer types in more commands. The porn screen shows a woman orally administering a huge cock. The poker screen shows MorningThunder with a king and queen of spades. UpayMyTuition has a ace and a jack of different suits. It is limped pre flop. The flop is jack ten three with two spades. Money is bet. The turn is another three. UpayMyTuition bets and MorningThunder pushes all in, his tournament life on the line. On the porn screen the woman is choking on the male porn stars huge member. He is holding her head and it appears that she will soon pass out or vomit all over his crotch. The threesome moan as they lather their hands and start stroking their cocks with lotion. "Not yet" purrs Phil. "You bet" whispers Lederer as he delivers the ace of spades on the river.

"Now another little hit" coos Jesus. Howard types with his left hand and the poker screen flashes. MorningThuder has 99. SeniorPoopPants has JT and moves in his short stack from the button. MorningThunder calls. The porn screen shows the the woman being penetrated from behind. The camera zeroes in on her nether regions. The male stud abruptly withdraws his cock from her pussy. The poker monitor shows a flop of 973. The turn is a two. "Yeah" sputters Lederer as his breathing increases. On the porn screen, the male model violently shoves his cock up the unsuspecting starlets ass. She screams as does the three poker stars. The river brings the eight of clubs. "That is so hot" murmurs Gordon. "I am almost there" echoes Ferguson. "Just one more" moans Lederer.

The poker screen blips and MorningThunder has KK. TooPhat238 is under the gun with a jack and two of spades and limps in. Three others limp. MorngingThunder raises to ten times the blind. The blinds fold and TooPhat238 calls. All others fold. The porn is really going now as the male is pounding her ass over and over. It is hard to tell if she is enjoying it or just crying from pain. The flop comes ten four two with no spades. TooPhat238 checks. MorningThunder bets the pot and is called. The turn is the three of clubs. On the porn screen the dude is grunting wildly and really slamming her ass. She is falling off the arm of the couch and begging for him to stop. He ignores her. The threesome are beating off furiously now. "Almost there" cries Ferguson. "Do it" moans Gordon. Lederer uses his left hand to hit the last key. The key that will put them over the edge. MorningThunder moves all in. TooPhat238 calls.

A guy is sitting in his apartment in New York City. He is yelling at his screen. "What the fuck Full Tilt? I pressed fucking fold. I pressed fucking fold every time. Why won't you FOLD?!!!!!" On the porn the stud removes his cock and fires jizz all over the starlets asshole, back, and pussy as she groans. The river comes. But it does not come immediately. It waits a tantalizing, agonizing two seconds to reveal the two of diamonds. They can not hold it off anymore. Howard, Phil and Chris, erupt simultaneously in a cyber circle jerk frenzy. A guy in a New York City apartment jumps up and down in sheer joy. He is now in the top ten in chips and goes on to win the tournament. A nice four thousand dollar score. The porn star grabs the the porn starlet by the hair and shoves his cock in her mouth. And somewhere, in eastern Kansas, a lap top smashes against a fire place.

The three poker magnates compose themselves and sign off while avoiding contact. Howard cleans up the mess he has made, using his robe as a towel. He exits the room and throws the soiled robe in Mikes face. "Clean that for tomorrow". "Yes sir" gasps The Mouth as he breathes the robe in deeply.

Lederer ascends the stairs as lights go on and off. He hits a button and returns to his room. He climbs into bed and dreams of how he would like to fuck MorningThunder in person.

Please Tell Me I Am Not Alone

I am mired in the worst run of cards in my life. I played at Harrahs yesterday. Sat down at the tourney and was feeling good about my game. I chip up and then chip down a bit. I get 22 utg and limp. We see a flop four ways as it comes out 246 with two spades. The small blind checks and the big blind bets the pot. Now this guy is a true novice. He was confused about how the blinds worked. He acted out of turn and did not understand the betting structure. He only bet when he had a good hand. He also was a short stack. His bet seemed to scream strength to me. My first thought was "straight". I decided to just put him in then to end the suspense. To my surprise, the small blind called my raise. The turn was the ace of clubs. I put the rest of my stack in. The small blind calls with A7 of spades. The big blind had indeed flopped a straight. Good thing the small blind came along. Now if my hand holds off the flush I break about even. The river brought the oh so beautiful case 2. Sigh......quads....beautiful. I asked the flush guy what he was doing in the pot. He was crippled. He said he just loves flush draws. Yeah me too.

Our table breaks and I sit down next to an older lady that plays ABC poker. I was feeling good. I was reading the table perfectly. I felt like I was easily better than most of them. Arrogance....sigh.....beautiful. There was a lady that came along with me from our original table. She was hitting sets on flops like crazy. The only problem was she was betting the crap out of them and showing after the folds. I saw her call pre flop raises out of position only to hammer the pot when she had flopped top set. She never checked with the intention of check raising. I got into one pot with her where I could not get her to fold second pair. She called with weak hands and hammered strong ones. I was gonna exploit that later if I could. I get AA and get two callers. The flop is queen high and I bet the pot. The only other good player eyes me up and down and then folds. A shorter stack moves in with AQ and I win. The other good guy said he had AQ as well. I should have checked it and won more..damn. I limp with 66 and flop a set. Check my big blind with 96 of spades and see a six high flop with two spades. Limp with 77. Four of us see a flop of AA7. GIN!!!!. The abc older lady to my right bets half the pot. Now I KNOW she has an ace. I decide to pop it four times her raise. She just calls. All right, no high cards please. Six on the turn and she checks. I say all in and she instant calls. She flips AJ as if she has won. I show my boat and it holds. We have the biggest stacks at the table and it bumps me up over T10,000. Easily the chip leader. We started with T2000. There were only T76,000 in the whole tourney. I am doing well.

I get moved again. I have chipped up some more. I have a stack now and loosen up a bit. I call a button raise of two times the blinds with KQ. This is the same guy who said he folded AQ earlier. The flop is queen high. Check raise him all in. He thinks and calls. He has JT for second pair and I hold. I now have over one quarter the chips in play. Cruise to the final table right? Nope the poker gods had plans for me. Build me up to a fantastic fall.

I am sitting nest to a crazy Asian guy. He reads no situations just cards. The old rock at the end of the table was only playing if he had great cards. Caizian got it wrong every time. He is a shortish stack. I raise in early position with TT. Folds to him in the big blind. He pushes with AQ. Ace on the river. Ok, just a ding. A few hands later. I call a button raise of his with 99 from the small blind. The flop is J high. I hesitate and he sighs and starts to push his chips in the middle but stops himself because I have not acted. I check called his all in. He had QT of hearts. He runner runners the flush. Now he has me barely out chipped. We play for a while and he shows down garbage. I get TT again and call his early position push. He flips over JT. JT!!!!. Jack on the flop and I go home. He ends up winning the thing. Good Grief. I know none of these are bad beats, but if I just win one of the three I probably money. If I win the first one, I probably win the tourney.